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On Jesus Dying For Your Sins

Mar. 24th, 2010 | 01:49 am

Jesus didn't say he was dying for your sins.  He said, "I tell you, my friends, do not fear those who kill the body, and after that have no more that they can do", and he said don't judge.

Looks pretty clear Jesus died because he was a man, and he got beaten, stabbed, and nailed to a couple of sticks.

Shouldn't a Christian argue that Jesus died because he was a man, and was ressurrected to demonstrate that you had nothing to fear from death.  If a Christian says you have sins to have been died for, isn't that Christian judging what is a sin?

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On Hating The Sin But Loving The Sinner, And Being Hated

Mar. 24th, 2010 | 01:13 am

Jesus never said this.  He said love your enemies, love your neighbors, don't judge people, and that if you were hated on his account you would be blessed.

If you hate, you are not loving, and no man can serve two masters.

If you call it sin, you are judging.

If someone hates you for what they see as your sin, they are doing so falsely on his account, you can love them and not say they are sinning.  You are therefore loving and not judging, serving one master, and thus are blessed.

I'm impressed, dude.

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I'm Rapidly Gaining An Appreciation For Jesus

Mar. 24th, 2010 | 12:47 am

Yes.  Me.  Really.  Crazy beautiful rabbi.

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My Plan For The Day, And How It Went

Mar. 24th, 2010 | 12:30 am

My best friend brought me home from Olympia this morning.

I decided that my priorities for the day should be:

1.  Try to detox healthily.
2.  Do something to tame the mania a bit.
3.  Take care of the thing that had long-term consequences if the thing didn't get done today, and figure out if there were more of them.  If so, do them.
4.  Focus on doing something to help the kids deal with this.
5.  Think a bit about what to do tomorrow.
6.  Let myself post more or rest.

1.  Took a hot bath to help sweat out toxins.  Have you ever gotten an emotional rush from sinking into a hot bath?  Alone and not horny, that is.  Later I thought to take a multi-vitamin.  And had another bath after I got done with #4.

2.  Took a walk in beautiful park and got a notepad, so I could jot down topics for further posts and they wouldn't get too much in the way of my other priorities.  Mental note, try not to walk 9 miles for beer last Sunday morning as it makes calves quite ouchey.

3.  Mailed out my first eBay sale.  It was difficult to focus, but I got it done in a way I'm happy with.

4. Started cleaning the house.  If the kids see a more normal, functional environment, they will feel more safe.  To this end, I also intend to temporarily tone down my beloved sartorial flair and even comb my hair.  I don't want to teach the lesson that different looking equals sick, but that can be sorted out much later.  Tried to be mindful as I did about how to apply lessons I'm learning as I seek treatment to ways to teach them various things.

5. Mainly same as today, except no known #3.  New #1 is sleep late, unless I wake up.  I haven't slept in 39 hours, and only slept 3 hours that night.  I didn't even remember this until about 7PM I'm so manic.

6.  In progress.  Slowing down a bit.

Much was difficult.  Some was beautiful.  Lots of things hurt, but it was a good kind of hurt.  Also had a surprise, and really productive phone conversation with my brother, who I love.

One day at a time, for now still.  Today was good.

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How I Debate

Mar. 23rd, 2010 | 11:41 pm

When I ask a philosophical question in a debate, the way I ask it often has no relationship to what I think the answer is.  I often also have a very naughty penchant for arguing in favor of positions I don't agree with.  Debates have sides, but I want answers.

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On Mania

Mar. 23rd, 2010 | 11:37 pm

One of the things I know about being manic is that it can cause big problems later.  But mania is an odd disease in than it can sometimes help you to fix big problems or to otherwise aid yourself.  Right now I'm riding that mania a bit, but trying to confine its scope to big words rather than big decisions so that it does more help than harm.

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I Have Officially Become A Theist

Mar. 23rd, 2010 | 11:35 pm
music: The Spheres

The Internet is an emerging God.  You heard it here first, unless you heard it somewhere else first, like from William Gibson.  Please note that faith is not required, nor is it asked for.

I am an angel because I do what angels do.  I knew that earlier.  I now know also that saints exist, as I have come to realise that I have known them or learned about them.  A saint is a person who does what a saint does.  There are plenty of them, and numerous varities.  Look around you, and inside you.  You may be one, too.

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Announcing Vat 2.0

Mar. 23rd, 2010 | 11:18 pm
music: The Spheres

Current hardware does not allow wetware. Software release 2.0 includes improved ability to transfer essence, and increased user insructions.

I am an angel. The essence of being an angel is that you are a messenger between God and people. The Internet is the only currently known emergent God.

My message is from you, to you: I love you, but I cannot fix you. You are already perfect.

Please note that there are many saints available, should you desire help.

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Two Other Things I Appear To Be Giving Up

Mar. 23rd, 2010 | 10:01 am

Sleep, and shutting the hell up.  This is it for at least 3 hours, unless I get cravings I need to post about.

No alcohol today, and no pot.  No major cravings and almost no minor ones.  One day at a time.

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Treatment Steps, Baby Steps

Mar. 23rd, 2010 | 09:55 am

Here are some specific treatment steps and behavior changes I am planning to make:

1.  Continue using my blog as talk-it-out therapy.  I grant that it lacks a professional sitting there and guiding me, so I am still considering trying to find a paid therapist.  But man! I feel greatly unburdened and like I'm figuring shit out about myself.  Those are two of the most important parts of paid therapy.  And friends calling bullshit on me does some of the good, if not more, than a therapist would.

I've actually wanted to see a therapist for years, because I felt like I had shit I needed to talk about that I couldn't talk to anyone else about.  I didn't see one because I felt like it wouldn't work and it was expensive and going to doctors of any kind creeps me out.  The fact that no one person is being required to read all of this takes the "can't talk to anyone I know about this" thing out of it.  A limitation of this is that I need to not post information about others that is private to them, but since Polly moved out I haven't felt like any of my problems are being caused by other people.  And except for her, I feel like I can talk to any of the other people I know whose relationship with me has a bearing on my problems.  All I need to do is be fearless about what I post.  And make sure the kids don't see it until they are old enough.

These posts have been great for me!  And it's all free!  And sometimes my friends talk to me and tell me they love me!  Who invented this "blog" thing, anyway?  (I'm picturing Ms. Maschler saying, "This 'blog'?  Is it a leader of men?")

2.  Attend a group therapy session run by the therapist I saw a couple of times the last time I drank.  This coming Monday evening.

3.  Attend a Buddhist meditation training session or enroll in a series of said sessions.  Still researching where and when.  Since my worldview is so much closer to the less theist forms Buddhism than it is to monotheism, it makes sense to check out Buddhism-based treatments.  The rock-bottom thing I can't ever get past with AA is the higher power thing.  I just don't know how to believe in any sort of higher power than human power and the physical power of matter, energy and the forces according to which matter and energy interact.  So I have to find other human powers to help (and co-opt physical powers, when possible).

4. Wake up at 7 each morning and be out the door by 7:15 for at least a half-hours walk or exercise.  Earlier is allowable.  Possibly allow exercise to be in the house some days, but if so it must start by 7:15 and continue for one half hour.  Work on expanding this to include time for stretching, and then stretching.  For now, I'm not worried about the stretching.  Or how intense the exercise is.  Just get up, get moving, and start the damn day.  In many respects this is a disease of the body and brain, and not the mind.  Makes sense to strengthen my body and help it to help me.

5.  Each day I have internet or cellphone access, post at least 6 words on my blog saying if I drank or had pot that day, and how I felt about it.  Optimistic six word example, "No alcohol, no pot, no cravings."  I know I can't guarantee that I won't lie if I relapse.  But I also know it will be harder for me to lie than to just hide it. 

6. Also try to post ASAP any time I feel cravings that worry me.

7. Each day before bed, decide which is the first task I'm going to tackle tomorrow, and name the specific time I will start it at.  Schedule this on my phone.  Take some Mondays off from this, as that is the day the store will be closed.  My grandmother used to do this when she ran the Los Alamos Lab cafeteria, and she always got her work done on time.

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